Oops . . I forgot

I just re-read my post from July. . .
A little update . .
zip-lining – ended up not having time
Manitou springs – stayed there but never made it to town
Garden of the Gods – – loved it walked/hiked about 20 miles that day!
ended up spending lots of time in Denver/Colorado Springs and even a day in Cripple Creek
BUT
I went to Albuquerque and saw a really cool racing museum Unser racing museum
stopped at an roadside “view point” that turned out to be gorgeous . . looked like an upside-down mountain!
Spent a lot of a day in Durango . . nice shops!
Took a trip through the mountains (running late so didn’t get to stop much at all, but pretty drive)
Hiked to Lake Elizabeth Glacier . . mountain Glacier in the summer – really cool!
All in all . . it wasn’t a bad trip. Jim is a hard one to travel with because his version of travel is pull off the road and say ooohh at the mountains 15 times an hour. . .but when I was able to actually get somewhere and see something (besides more mountains and road side pullouts) it was nice and pretty and mostly fun.

Next trip . . I am going to be in charge and less yes dear. . of course I say that all the time ūüôā

one day

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Round and Round

Don’t know if anyone out here knows what vertigo feels like, but take it from me it isn’t fun! You would think that being on a sudden roller coaster might be exhilarating, but it isn’t. It is really just annoying! Tried to play with my Grandson today and I couldn’t do what he wanted me to . . . my head was spinning out of control.

I’ve tried the force it to spin and stay there till it stops tricks . . you know the ones that are designed to make the “crystals” move back in place . . they just make me sick to my stomach. It is just sooooo annoying when your body doesn’t do what you want it to do!

I guess what I really need to do is just count my blessings. . . I am alive, I am relatively healthy (when my head stops spinning), I have food and shelter and warm (or cool) clothes to wear and I have family who care. . . I have everything compared to many others who have nothing.

Bright side of my life . . that is what I need to think about. . .
I am strong – – work out 4-6 days a week . . I can even dead-lift 160 lbs – more than once!
I am smart – my work chose me to represent the division in our new computer integration stuff that is happening.
I have a wonderful Daughter, a Great Son-in-law and a handsome little man who calls me Grammy.
I am mostly happy with my body . . I would like some of the fat that is covering all my muscles to finally go away, but it has been hanging out for so long it is gonna be really hard to kick out.
Oh yes . . and I haven’t bought a bottle of wine in a month! I won’t say I haven’t had a drink, cause there is still alcohol in the house, but I haven’t bought a bottle of anything in a month!

Here’s to the next month, then the next. . . then who knows what can happen!

WOW it really has been a while

I just looked back at my last post .. a good one I might add .. and realized that it has been over a year since I shared my journey here! WOW that is just too long. . . I have thought many thoughts, said I would write a few, and done so many things that I never bothered to share. . . sorry anyone who might be reading this. . .

Anyway – – to add to my last post. I am still in the “gym rat” category . . I go a minimum of 3 times a week and normally 5 times a week -sorry I take weekends off as those are the days that I can’t seem to get away from the “Dolly I need”s. . .

Life these days is filled with Mom – who live with me now, work- which is crazy and beyond words (can you imagine being a woman who is supervising a dozen privileged millennial’s in a world of “good old boys”???), the partner – who is basically retired . . therefore home or where-ever he wants all day and can’t really stand not “doing anything” . . . so me or my want time is not exactly in abundance . . but . . I (like always) manage to survive.

Thoughts these days have been filled with me. . sounds selfish to write that, but it is true. . . I have done a hashtag Dollyspowerhour a few times but I have really not taken time for me. I get my nails done when someone else needs a mani/pedi, I go shopping when someone else needs something from a store, I read a magazine or a book when the stack gets too big and therefore is in someones way. heck – – I am even going on vacation cause someone else wanted to.
Don’t get me wrong . .I want to get away, I want to do some stuff in Colorado, but as seems to be the norm . .. it is around the schedule of others. . .

I know, I know, quit bitching. . . I am trying hard to just roll with the “punches” (so to speak) and have fun with whatever comes my way . . and I WILL have fun on this trip, I am just gonna have to say HEY LISTEN UP when we get to a point of .. this is what I want to do!

Zip lining – here I come
Manitou Springs Steps – Here I Come
Garden of the Gods – Here I come
Places other than Denver, Colorado Springs and Cripple Creek . . Here I come.
I want adventure, I want physical activity, and I want fun . . . and DAMM IT – I am gonna get it. .even if others have to end up riders in other folks cars!
Tough talk now . . lets see if she follows through (LOL)
hopefully I will update anyone who might want to know in a week (or less) . ..

Strength vs Size/Weight

I was a casual gym user before “going to the gym” was a national past-time.

I remember, when I was in my late teens, going to the gym when my mom would go. (I think I worked out but don’t really remember).

Then when I was in my early 20’s I would go to a gym before work (don’t freak, back then before work was 10-12ish). All I remember is being sore and thinking it was cool that I “worked out and lifted weights”.

Skip ahead a few years and now here I was post Baby (she was preteen), single mom, a few more pounds than was considered “one of the pretty/skinny people” and it was back to the gym for me. . . I just had to lift those weights (and starve myself) to lose those lbs. Even when I tried for a few years, stopped for a few years, gained a LOT OF WEIGHT for a few years. . I always went back to the gym and I always tried to “lift the weights” . . I remember a few times I even tried to show off and do some power lifting. . . of course I wasn’t in shape for it so I could force the weight up once maybe twice and then I was done for days :-{

I am still a gym rat . . but now I go not because I need to “lift those weights” but because I actually enjoy it. My gym time is my personal time . . sort of like when I get my nails done but without the foreign language . . it is my time for me. Sometimes I lift weight, sometimes I do circuit type of stuff, sometimes I just read a book while on a treadmill or elliptical. I no longer work out because I want to impress someone (well maybe my trainer, but that is just cause I know he enjoys it when I do good . . means he is doing good), I work out because I feel sooooooo much better about myself when I do!!

The annoying part is my weight. . . I am a good neutral medium. . . a “loose 8” – I am healthy and I am strong and yet I am still (according to any chart you might find) “mildly obese” I mean really – – I am 5’3″ and weigh (give or take depending on day of week and time of day) 160 lbs. Yet every chart I can find puts me in the “overweight to obese” category. It really pisses me off too!!

There are lots of campaigns/commercials/programs out there directed at helping girls have a better self image of themselves . . there are a lot of people who rally against the “magazine perfect” image that everyone thinks should be considered pretty. . . But still the charts stay the same!!

Granted. . there are 2 sides to those charts, My daughter is about an inch maybe 2 taller than me and she might weigh 100 lbs now that she has had my Grandson . . so for her . .the charts are on the money .. she is on the normal to light side — she likes that people who look at the charts don’t think she is “too skinny”.

BUT if you were to put a 20lb kettle bell in front of each of us and say do 40 squats I would blow her away . . in fact I doubt she could pick it up to even start. I love my baby girl exactly as she is, but I am definitely stronger than her!!

I don’t know the answer to what is right when it comes to weight and size, I just know that I am really tired of fighting the stereotype!! I want to be pretty and sexy AND healthy and strong . . but I don’t think I can be all those things at the 125-135lbs that the charts say are my “ideal weight”!

I wonder just who I need to talk to about changing those charts to focus more on reality and less on “the unattainable” and “the unrealistic”????

Comfort can be stylish – right?

I am all about comfort. . . I hate it when I “have” to wear something or do something that is not comfortable. Like right now, I am sitting in a Dr. office waiting to take the man home . . what am I wearing? leggings, a really big shirt and slip on tennies. . .
I am lucky in that the dress code at work is business casual – leaning more on the casual than the business. I can and do wear jeans most days.

What’s wrong with that you might think . .I am a Manager and should set a better example and sometimes I feel guilty about not being that kind of example. . . well sometimes anyway.

I guess the hard part is figuring out where comfy crosses the line and just simply becomes sloppy. If I find that line (assuming it is a hard fast line) I will let you know, Until then I guess the rule is if you feel good, don’t show too much of the wrong thing (i.e. short, tight, see-through, stretched to it’s maximum capacity), and are appropriate for the occasion. . . go for it.

Consistency

Why is that good habits are so hard to be consistent with but bad habits stick around so quickly?

I have been trying for months now to track what I eat and eat right. . . some days I do great . . everything gets logged, everything passes the healthy test. Other days it seems like the only things that appeal are the ones that make my hips/butt/legs/gut the size they are!

And sitting on my backside after work/gym/supper ILO doing something productive . . yea . . that one is a 90% fail. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a couch potato who never does anything. I work 9-10 hours a day, go to the gym after work and do between 45 minutes and an hour of assorted strength and cardio, then I come home and cook supper and typically clean the kitchen . . . so I am not lazy . . just not motivated to do anything after that.

I want to go back to school (not sure why, just seem to want to), I want to work on one of my many craft project – – sewing, crochet, needle work – – Maybe even just read or color, but it seems that all I really do is watch TV . . and it usually isn’t anything that I am really interested in . . .

For quite a while now it seems that the only thing I am consistent at is putting off getting stuff done!

I know I am being hard on myself, I do a lot, I accomplish a lot, I just always seem to WANT to do more.

Oh well – hey at least I finally wrote this blog entry . . I guess that is a start ūüôā

Relax. . .

Sometimes you just have to relax. . . it’s so hard to just sit, sit and watch someone feel bad and not try to “make it all better”, sit and enjoy the peacefulness of the day/house and not try to turn on the music and stop the crickets, sit and do nothing even though your brain is yelling about all the “stuff” that needs to be finished/started/cleaned/created. .

I need to learn to just sit and relax.

I am the Mom and I am the Grammy, but I have to remember that I am also the 3rd wheel, the “outsider” to the family. . . it is not my place to tell anyone how to run their life or their relationship . . I can barely take care of mine!

I guess when my life and relationship and advice is 100% perfect, then and only then should I expect it to be listened to 100%. Baby has to grow up and baby has to learn somethings on her/his own.

Quiet Time

I never really noticed before just how much I miss quiet time.

Life is always so crazy, busy, and noisy!¬† Between me running all over with work, the gym, housework, cooking, laundry, shopping, caring for everyone. . .¬† and my other half’s need for “noise” (usually in the form of music – which I am not saying is a bad thing) in the house. . . I have just gotten used to it always being loud.

Sometimes I can work better with the music on, sometimes I use the radio, Pandora, or TV to drown out the little voice that is trying to tell me all the things I still need to do.  This morning, however, I am realizing that sometimes I like to just sit and listen to the quiet.

I know me… this won’t last long, I will be up and¬†running soon and things will be noisy again. . .¬† but for just this moment . . . I am enjoying the nothingness of a lazy and QUIET morning!

How much is too much?

I always have this problem.  I never know how much is too much. . . .

I never know what to tip, I never know how much to take on, I never know how much to help. . .

Today I was fussed at more than once for doing too much. . .

I know I am bossy and I know I am the type to jump in and do things for everyone, but that is my nature. . . . I am the nurturer, the caretaker, the provider. . .

Those are just character traits of mine, they will NEVER go away.  I try to control them all the time (with little to no success!)

I guess it is just like pretty much everything else in my life,   I need to learn to deal with it and be there when I am wanted/needed.. . .

Anticipation

Anticipation. .  .. waiting and waiting to see my Grandson!

Never thought I would be waiting around hoping to go to the hospital. . .  I hate hospitals and seriously never thought I would want to go to one on purpose.

For the last few days I have walked my baby girl all around the mall and assorted other stores, fed her lots of rich and semi-spicy foods, made her drink pineapple juice and even bought a bunch of fresh pineapple  . . . and alas. . . no Baby Boy Max to visit with his Grammy!.

Great Grammy keeps saying that he is just waiting for her. . . she flies in tonight (really late tonight). . . so maybe today (or early tomorrow) will be the day.

My heart is so full and I am so excited that I can hardly contain myself . . I am antsy, distracted and just can’t sit still.¬† I think I just need to find something soothing to do . . maybe I’ll color??

MAX . .  come see your Grammy!!!!